Martin and Miranda were together for a little over 4 years. At the 4-year mark the two engaged in another serious conversation regarding their future. Martin was very open about his feelings for Miranda including his concerns and fears. He let her know that while he wanted to be with her he didn’t know when he would be ready to marry her, if ever. He asked that she would keep the conversation between them so they could figure it out together.
This hurt Miranda to the core. She wasn’t so open about this with him, not wanting to bug, she forced a smile and nodded to him in approval. He knew something wasn’t right with her response but did not force her to share.
Although they agreed the conversation would stay between them, the emotions and insecurities Miranda felt were new and were getting the best of her. Martin’s aim was not to wreck her world.
He only wanted to be open and honest about his feelings. He asked for that conversation to stay between them, but she feared communicating with him, losing him, losing them, and even feared staying with him.
The very next morning, Miranda called her best friend to get an opinion, her mom for advice, her brother to get an understanding from a man’s point of view, her best guy friend to hear from another man’s point of view, and a co worker, just to vent.
By the time she was finished hearing all their opinions she was completely confused, not knowing whether to leave him or stay. Even when Martin spoke to her she didn’t hear him clearly. She twisted all of his words to sound like those of the people that she went to for advice. For the first time in their 4 years together, she struggled with trusting him. She became more irritable and emotional. She made rash decisions and verbalized her feelings and needs less. Matter of fact, she barely spoke to him at all. She was too involved asking others what he was thinking. She sought others to tell her how to feel and what to do instead of asking the person she was in relationship with, instead of asking the person who knew all sides, the one who knew every intimate detail. After 4½ years, the relationship ended. Miranda couldn’t blame anyone but herself.
Ugh, Miranda sounds like me =( I’m just not referring to a boo thang…
So this blog is called MY truth thru the truth right? Well my truth is that I am distancing myself in my relationship with God because I’m involving too many opinions in our personal matters.
I guess I should better explain myself. Over the last few months Proverbs 3:5-6 has been beating me over the head. Everywhere I go, every channel I turn to, or church service I attend here is this scripture! One we hear all the time:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths (NKJV)
Every time I’d hear it I was like ok, ok I get it and I keep it pushin. But this week I finally got what he has been trying to tell me! I didn’t realize I was only partly applying the scripture. I trust the Lord and let him direct my path…sometimes. I have to be honest; it depends on whether or not it is a path that I actually want to or feel like taking at the time.
If it is something simple, like not going to a function that weekend…easy. Done! But when it comes to something that doesn’t mesh well with my flesh or him telling me to do something that is out of the box, eh not so easy for me to do all the time.
I have literally bragged about how I have taken God out of the box most of us put him in, only to realize that all I have done is rebuild a slightly larger box for him to reside.
When I get direction from God to do something and it doesn’t make sense to me, fit into the box that I have recreated for him, or it’s not what I want to hear at the time, I have the tendency to seek others to validate what I heard or give me an excuse to be disobedient.
Wow, I have become someone who leans on other’s understanding. I have trusted my friends’ and family’s opinions more than God’s truth. In trying to seek understanding I should go to his word, not to others. Basically like Miranda did with her people, I sort of trusted the Lord but only after I trusted Jimmy, Jamie, Jane, and Jack’s understanding, which does nothing but cause me a headache of confusion in the end.
God knows every move I’ve made, every move I’m making, and every move I’m going to make without me saying a thing. The people that I go to don’t have that ability so why do I feel the need to get validation from them? I think it is because I’m stubborn at times and don’t wanna do what I don’t wanna do (like giving up something or someone). Or maybe because I’m too scared to try something new, to do things that no one else is doing. What will they think? Who would support me? Who wouldn’t support me? Who would talk about me? The response should always be “who the *bleep* cares?!” But these are the only things that I can think of that would cause me to go to others the way that I have done over the last few months.
I’m learning that a majority of the time he has not revealed the same thing to someone else. He gives us a word because he wants us to have it and follow it. When we go spreading it around town it gets tweaked and twisted into what we and others want to make it, so it no longer looks like the plan he originally created. Meaning we have conveniently stepped out of his will. So now he has to spend time fixing what we broke because we felt that we could play his role better than him.
The more time I give in between God’s directive and my obedience the wider the entrance becomes for the tricks of the enemy. There are times when I hear clearly what I am to do, but because I don’t want to do it or fear other’s thoughts about me, I start bringing a whole bunch of people into the mix. This does a few things:
1. Causes confusion
2. Keeps me in a situation longer than I have to be
3. Makes me and others miss out on blessings
4. Makes my ability to hear clearly from God slowly disintegrate.
It’s one thing to share an aha light bulb moment with a trusted friend. But it’s totally different when that sharing is meant for them to become God’s boss and either accept or veto/override what God has commanded me to do. I have put some in a very scary and awkward position. In my mind I have unknowingly put them in a seat above God when the word strictly says, “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3).
Ok, I’ve been messing up…My bad. I thought I learned all this in being saved 101 smh. Grateful for that grace and mercy…So now I’m searching for ways to permanently remove the walls on this box I’ve reconstructed for him. Learning to understand that he doesn’t always operate how I think he should. Knowing that at times, I am going to have to do things that I don’t want to do. In order to move forward I have to step out of my comfort zones, be challenged, give things up, pick things up, and trust fully in him and not man.
Starting over, lets try this again: Trust in the Lord with all my heart…in all my ways acknowledge him so that he can direct my paths…Day 1…