So it's been one year! One year since I decided to TRULY seek out Christ for myself. Why do I pray, why do I go to church, why do I fast, why do I believe? From last year this date until now I have journals that detail the account of 365 days which is awesome cuz I can barely remember what happened this morning let alone a year ago. Most of the basic questions have been answered. But of course understanding one thing leads you to another realm that you have to attempt to tap into and navigate…with the assistance of the Holy Spirit of course. Everyday I'm challenged to
check my motives, which I must admit, are not always right. Yea, they are rarely right =/ It depends on the month...Don't judge me, I'm working towards consistency.
During this time there have been several different shifts. Some I enjoyed many I was very angry with at the time. Changes in ministries, having to leave some and being connected to others. Changes in where I serve, WHAT and WHO I serve, how I work, where I work, who I hang out with, where I hang out, things I have to let slide, things I have to speak out on etc...I had to deal with people telling me how dumb, stupid, and even delusional I am for following the Spirit's instructions. I have learned things about myself that while I feel it would be better to keep hidden would only keep me from my destiny.
Sitting with yourself and really learning who you are and your calling and purpose is a blessing! Ohhhh but I can't say I liked or am liking the process. It has been one of the loneliest, rockiest, confusing, insane, tormenting years of my life. Real talk...On the other hand it has been one of the most fulfilling, revealing, spiritually prosperous, and maturing years of my life. Those things outweigh the negative for me. As I recognize this process will be continuing I should and will only bring to remembrance those positive things.
Starting this blog TruthThruTruth was probably one of the realest things I could have ever done for myself and my relationship with God. I fought hard against it because mainly, I didn't want my writing where anyone could read it (it's always caused anxiety for me for people to read what I write whether a friend or a professor. I just don't like it) But anyways I did not expect for God to use this as a way for me to really REALLY do some self-reflection. I already knew I was a mess but sheeeesh lol. However, learning these truths will ultimately be used to help others and I cannot be mad about that.
I do not know if this blog will be a place that I share all of the findings of the inner me that was destroying my spiritual me and keeping me from where I needed to be. Or how many postings will come after this. All I can do is go day by day. Stay tuned...