Day 19...It's Ours

So it has almost been 3 weeks since I wrote “Whose Relationship is it Anyway” and I’m finally looking at the computer screen again.  Click here if you missed Whose Relationship is it Anyway

That writing marked day 1 of me attempting to master the art of Proverbs 3:5-6…Leaning on the Lord with all my heart and allowing him to direct my paths. ALL of them! I’m not going to pretend that I have been able to fully master it. However I will say that I have finally attempted to stop beating myself up over it and just allow it to happen. What is it? Well…life.

When you’ve always been the person running your life, calling all the shots, it’s hard to come to the realization that as Christians, our lives are not our own. Like Paul says in Galatians once we give ourselves over to Christ, we die to ourselves and allow him to live through us. (2:20) Easier said than done…My opinion. 

The gift and the curse of our freewill is that we have the choice

whether or not we want to follow what he says to do. Sometimes I’m like c’mon man just do it, make the choice for me. But it doesn’t always work like that.

A couple weeks ago my flesh was in an active battle with my spirit regarding some decisions the Lord was calling me to make. I called on just about every person imaginable to give me reasons to (a) not do what I was told to do and (b) actually do what I was told to do. Anyone else see the problem with the last sentence? SMH

One moment I was with God, like yes let’s do this I’m ready to walk in your will. So I would call around or have conversations with people trying to get their buy in or confirmation, not on purpose of course. Once I got one or two that did I would pause. Why? Well what about the two who didn’t agree, maybe they were right? So in that next moment I’m saying “ok never mind, I can’t be hearing God clearly” and started talking to those who could conveniently help me find ways to get around doing what I was told to do.

No wonder I was walking around like a confused wreck!

I say all this to attempt to help someone out. So that you don’t accidentally end up in a whirlwind of confusion! So that you don’t have to spend precious time beating yourself up! So that you don’t have to deal with the disgruntling feeling of anything that is the opposite of peace!

Whether you’re new to the faith or have been walking with Christ for a longer amount of time, he’s going to call you to do some things that are completely and utterly uncomfortable! Why? Because moments of discomfort cause the greatest growth. He knows what he is doing. He knows us! The Psalmist wrote:

“O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. (Psalm 139:1-3)

Jeremiah 29:11 lets us know he isn’t out to harm us. He just knows us so well that he is willing to put some fire under our belts to get us to go where he needs us to go. His directions, no matter how uncomfortable, are not meant to set us up for failure but to set us up for something better that is in our future.

In the last few months my life has been flipped upside down! He has called me to make decisions that I did not agree with. Forced me to stop going places that were familiar and dumped me (well that’s what it felt like at the time) in lands of the unknown. He has told me to give up things I never thought that I could live without. And he didn’t just take it (that would be easy) he forced me to do it myself.

Some of these things I conferred with others about hoping they could help me get God to change his mind. You know allow me to stay where I was. Even though I’d been begging him forever to give me everything new in him, elevate me in him, take me higher in him, bring us closer. Ha! He answers prayers. I should have spent more time praying for the courage to be obedient and strength when he finally started pulling me up. OMG that pull up…

Think of being pulled in two different directions:

The downward pull:

• Your flesh/self holding your feet down like an anchor that has hit the bottom of the deepest sea.
  
• Don’t forget the voices of others that we may have conveniently placed in God’s seat for the moment also weighing you down.
  
• The enemy, finding space to enter in at this time allowing your thoughts to be invaded by his words and
  
• You yourself turning the devils words into first person narratives of a life that he desires for you (death).
  

Then there’s the upward pull:

• You have God and his angels tugging on your arms wanting to pull you closer to kingdom purpose.
  
• The prayers of the righteous fighting with you to strengthen you.
  
•  The Holy Spirit pulling you towards the word of God, your sword!
  

The constant pull, fight, struggle, war we face are meant for us to win! You definitely need the Lord’s physical and mental strength to pass through em! As well as a change in perception.

So over the last few weeks I’ve tried something new. I took myself out of the equation. My wants, my understanding, my feelings, my questions (and I ask A LOT of questions), and I disconnected from Mel! I did everything I could to plug into His spirit and try this whole, trust him in ALL things, thing. Not just in him saying don’t go to that function but him saying things like pick up everything and move there without any questions asked. I made it a point to:

1.     Cut off communication when I was at home and hone in to God’s line. Which isn’t all that easy to do when you’re addicted to technology #confession.

2.     I got back into the word
             ***Reminder we all fall off on the amount of time we spend in the word. What’s important is   knowing when enough is enough and getting back in it.

3.     I hit my knees for prayer for longer then 30 seconds or the 15 seconds before I fall asleep
             ***Another reminder, some of us go through bouts of bomb prayer sessions and some that are eh, generic and not so…well, bomb.

4.     And most importantly conferred with him first. And when he said to do something I acted immediately. Only sharing with others after I acted in obedience.

In doing this I was able to hear clearly, reduce stress and confusion, and get direction for my next step. I was also able to take notice that the severe changes that have swept my life in the last 6 months have been for a better me. And what’s even better than that it has been for the betterment of other people =)!

In Whose Relationship is it Anyway I said that I am attempting to knock down the walls of the box that I reconstructed for God to live in. I’ll be honest I haven’t knocked them all down because I still have moments I question him. Still look up at the sky and think quietly (as if he can’t hear) that he is trippin. But I have made some serious dents.

I might not like everything that God is instructing me to do for several reasons. I don’t want to, people might not like me anymore, I’m scared, or it just doesn’t seem to make sense to me or anyone else for that matter. And I may want to question his every move. But I keep being reminded of Romans 9:20 (Message version): “Who in the world do you think you are to second-guess God? Do you for one moment suppose any of us knows enough to call God into question?” Ahhhh, he knows what he is doing. If we just sit back and let him guide us he can take us further than we could ever take ourselves.

So I’m attempting to replace my questions with “okay” or “yes”. I’m learning that the behind the scenes work he is doing is far greater than I can ever imagine. I can avoid the internal drama of the confusing back and forth. How? One, keeping an open dialogue with God and two, simple and immediate active obedience.

Bit by bit I die to the me that has no idea what she is doing and open myself up to a God that has everything under his control.

Still walking on this narrow path…Trusting in the Lord with all my heart…in all my ways acknowledging him so that he can direct my paths…Day 19…