In those unsuccessful times I feel:
- I am not good enough for God
- I know he loves me but there are many more works that I must do to get back on his good side, or
- I need to work hard and focus on being better so that God will be pleased with me and able to use me.
All of July I felt unworthy of my call, purpose, and interactions with others. Not only did God use his word to tell me that it’s not through my own strength and power but through his spirit that things are done but he proved it to me by using me in ways that I cannot take credit for (Zechariah 4:6). This was a blessing! It re-taught me something valuable, this whole ministry thing, Christian lifestyle, and walk with God is way bigger than me.
I fell deeper in love with my Heavenly Father because even though I did not feel like I should be used or could be used, he chose to use me regardless! Regardless of my mistakes, my hurt, my confusion, my discontent etc. And because of this it moved me out of the realm of condemnation and into the safe space of his grace and mercy! I was beating up on myself and all God wanted me to see was that Christ’s sacrifice was enough and it was time to move forward.
As I wrote in the post “It was enough”
“the cross was enough! What Jesus did to save you, to wipe your sins away, to cause God to forget about all the yuck of yesterday, to cause God to see you without blemish, to cause God to hold not one fault over your head…it was enough.”